I don’t know why life is so meaningless sometimes.
Or am I simply ungrateful.
I don’t think so.
I don’t know what’s thw meaning of happiness maybe which is why I cannot find it in anything and everything I may do.
Life is so aimless.
Its like I’m living on just for the sake of it.
Only if I had a choice, I would stop breathing.
Only if it were not the big sin it is.
Nah noo naaah I’m not sad I’m not depressed.
I just cant seem to find any logic in going on uselessly, earning and eating and flushing it down the drain then eating again, wearing stupid clothes..leave alone following trends and fashion which I never do.. whats the meaning of it all…travelling and then coming back home.. momentary smiles..memories that can be just looked back upon, damn my imagination is much better.. tv bores me.. everything bores me..
But hey wait..I remember something I found peace in..i.e swimming… the times I would lie on my back in the water with mt arms crossed under my head..for a second I would balance myself n then with eyes closed just relax….gawwwwd I havent felt better doing else.. that peace.. it felt like I’m letting life take me wherever it wants..and when I used to open my eyes, I used to find myself in some random part of the pool.. I can’t describe the feeling but I loved it.. I don’t get time to go swimming with the hectic schedule now..maybe thats what my soul craves…maybe thats my safe haven..
I don’t even know what meaning I want from it.
From this life. From everything I do.
I’m so lost.
I hate the fact that I think so deep that I want rationale and shit in everything.
That I see through people and resume to my own shell.
I hate being this way sometimes.
I feel abnormal and not being able to enjoy things for just as they are for once.
Laugh without realizing at the same moment that this laughter is also temporary and meaningless and then have my smile fade away.
And when I try to get away from my own mind..my own thought processes, I find myself staring into blank space.
I sometimes feel maybe I don’t have any soul..but I know I do.. damn see what I mean?