I know this letter would never reach you and even if it did someday, you would just trash it away without even bothering to read it. But I still hope it finds you in the best of health, whenever and wherever.
I feel the need to repeat how much I miss you and how much it pains me that you dont care.
Yet another birthday has gone by without being wished by you.
Do you know how much I waited for your call? That even when ebadu called, before looking at the screen I secretly wished, infact thought it was you… but in vain. Then when Saira called, I had that hope again but alas.. and 2 more calls but none from you.
You see it hurts marium.
I try not to expect but it comes naturally.
You are my one and only sister. How can’t these expectations exist? What on earth would it take from you if you would’ve just dialed my number and wished me or even the least sent me a voice or text message. I know hoping for a visit from you is like wishing on a shooting star, a myth that holds your faith but in a million years ever comes true. See marium, I miss you.
As the years go by, my expectations are facing a slow death and I fear the time when my heart will be dead for you. Someday you might return, you might realize but then you might not find me here, waiting and yearning for you. I think mama daddy feel worse on their days when you’re just not a part of anything at all ..all their kids are with them except you ..they dont show it as much except sometimes when either of them break down or take out the frustration in different ways.. but its obvious theyre in agony.
It kills me marium. Its like I am sipping down this poison each time you should be here but you aren’t. I can’t describe it better because its exactly how I feel. You exist you are alive but theres still no you.
Someday I won’t care too and it won’t be my fault.
I feel my birthday is incomplete without you but then why should I feel this way.. the people who try their best to make my birthday awesome for me, why should I not be all happy with their efforts? Alhumdullilah.. im blessed.. i just wish you were a part of it too.