When I miss you, I remind myself that I had to let you go.
And it hurts but somehow theres a fullstop to that pain.
But what hurts worse is when every time the reality overwrites what I make myself believe.
The reality that you did not walk away. You did not go but infact I brutally pushed you away while you kept knocking and pleading to be let in.
Even though you were a cheat, your persistence to come back to me melted my heart.
I so wanted to welcome you with open arms.
But I was always reminded of what would overpower you. Your parents. Their love over mine. Like it had done before and you had left me.
When storms would arise where would you find the backbone to stand by me when you never even had one.
But most of all even if the tables turned, I never wanted to see you torn apart between your parents and me.
I tried my best to be liked by them but their ego that their only son choose me always made them despise me and over look any good within me. They loved you so much that they wanted your wife to be their own choice.
And I respected that. I could not take away their only son away from them just because I loved him. A mother’s love is greater than any other. Being with me would mean living in risks and fights and hopes that someday they would accept me. But what about the hurt your parents would go through because of you..
Time would pass but so would your parents ages. The way they gave all their life to you, I wanted you to give yours to them in whatever years they would live more.. They are old already so its obvious they wouldn’t have so much time..
But we are young..We can still walk on through so much more..
I know I never had the right to make such huge decisions for you but I know at the end of the day this alone would make you happy and peaceful because you too love them the most and I know it and I respect that.
I’m sorry I had to be so cruel and keep pushing you away like I didn’t care.
Even when you would send me pictures with tears in your eyes or on your cheeks, I would say stop this drama, thats just water. Although who would know better than me what those dilated pupils were saying..pleading….
It made me weep silently and broke me ever more..
And I indirectly aggrevated you to accept your parent’s choices further on.. I deliberately stepped over your ego as I knew you that well..
And one day finally you got married to someone else and just to hurt me the same you told me you got married on the 21st of April 2018, my birthday. You just could never imagine how much I already was broken.. how could you break me more… but yes you just stained all my future birthdays and kudos to you for planning such a revenge..
But I don’t blame you.
I know nomatter how much pain you would have or would be going through because of me, in the end it will be worth it when you would be at peace knowing you have made your parents happy.