Cactus

 After the desert rain

No one smiled

The feeble raindrops

Would serve as unshed tears

Refreshing the buried wounds

of a thousand spines

Succulent yet dry

—–

The words that hurt the most

Are the only ones we need

To hear the most, sometimes

Sometimes, that becomes an eternity

—–

Each of us is their own hero

Or rather has to become sometimes

We survive, either by learning to swim

Or by creating our own wings

To Fly…

Leaving behind a trail of hope

To those who need it the most

When it rains again.

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Sometimes we lose ourselves n only find back in our ruins.

Bday’19

Because of you I had though that my birthday this year would just be a waste as it would be your first anniversary as well. You played well my love. I was juggling between whether to even acknowledge my day or not.

But even though I seldom realized it, God has blessed me with a good family and a few commendable friends who just did not let my birthday go dull even for a bit.

You lost dear.

I won.

21 april

I don’t know if I should be happy on my birthday or sad. All I know is that I feel numb. I sacrificed my love for his parents just coz he is their only son.. and he gave me a good reward for it by getting married on my birthday. Scarred for life you say eh.. how sweet. My birthday happy birthday to me.

Yet another birthday

Dear Marium

I know this letter would never reach you and even if it did someday, you would just trash it away without even bothering to read it. But I still hope it finds you in the best of health, whenever and wherever.

I feel the need to repeat how much I miss you and how much it pains me that you dont care.

Yet another birthday has gone by without being wished by you.

Do you know how much I waited for your call? That even when ebadu called, before looking at the screen I secretly wished, infact thought it was you… but in vain. Then when Saira called, I had that hope again but alas.. and 2 more calls but none from you.

You see it hurts marium.

I try not to expect but it comes naturally.

You are my one and only sister. How can’t these expectations exist? What on earth would it take from you if you would’ve just dialed my number and wished me or even the least sent me a voice or text message. I know hoping for a visit from you is like wishing on a shooting star, a myth that holds your faith but in a million years ever comes true. See marium, I miss you.

As the years go by, my expectations are facing a slow death and I fear the time when my heart will be dead for you. Someday you might return, you might realize but then you might not find me here, waiting and yearning for you. I think mama daddy feel worse on their days when you’re just not a part of anything at all ..all their kids are with them except you ..they dont show it as much except sometimes when either of them break down or take out the frustration in different ways.. but its obvious theyre in agony.

It kills me marium. Its like I am sipping down this poison each time you should be here but you aren’t. I can’t describe it better because its exactly how I feel. You exist you are alive but theres still no you.

Someday I won’t care too and it won’t be my fault.

I feel my birthday is incomplete without you but then why should I feel this way.. the people who try their best to make my birthday awesome for me, why should I not be all happy with their efforts? Alhumdullilah.. im blessed.. i just wish you were a part of it too.

P.s

Idk

I don’t understand why people feel all high and mighty if someone goes to them and apologizes for something even though they were half way right but their way was wrong.

It takes a lot of courage to apologize when you know you are right at your point but your way was wrong ..but an arrogant and demeaning response to your persistent apology can ruin your belief in humanity and lose even the little respect you might have for that person.

Alas! Pride comes before a fall..

Tranquility

I leap below shallow waters

Drowning before I can even stand

Holding onto hopes and tomorrows

Even though time pulls me in

Like quick sand

I know you cannot hear me

But I keep calling out from deep below

I keep trying and ..trying..

Until this is the only place that finally feels like home

And the only thing I can say now

Is Leave me Alone

Muffled and forgotten

You still fail to hear me

But who cares anymore.

-FZF